Newsletter #7: November 2025
You know that moment when a casual chat suddenly goes deep? One minute you’re talking politely about the weather and your travel time, and the next, you might be speaking on grief, family, and how weird (and beautiful and gut-wrenching and awe-inspiring and maddening) life can be.
This month at DCDC, we’re giving those moments their due — and finding the spaces where they can unfold.
+ A recipe: “The Autumn Afterlife",” a drink + guide on how to stir up real talk at the table
+ A workshop on grief and the holidays on Sunday, December 14th from 4:00p-5:30p — for anyone navigating love and loss through the season
+ Our monthly happy hour next Tuesday, November 18th 6:30p-8:30p at KBird DC! Or as we like to say, “a happy hour for mortals.” (That means you)
If it’s been a while since you’ve joined us, come by. We can’t wait to see you.
With care,
Robin Miniter, Co-Founder of The DC Death Collective
How Would You Die? Dedicated to Andrea Gibson
by Natalie Ghandi, DCDC Member
How would you die?
I don't mean physically,
although that probably does play a part.
But how do you want your last moments?
I want to be shattered —
With seeds still growing within the cracks —
Nourished by our collective rainstorm of weeping
Shattered by the absolute beauty that exists within
the pain — the heartache
—
I want my heart to be overfilled — overflowing — with adoration —
For you
For me
For what we grew together
I want to ride that last moment into eternity —
Surf on the stardust —
Beginning with the tears rolling down our cheeks
I want to kiss every person that I've ever loved
To hug every body that has ever felt like home
To make somatic memories for when the details of our minds start to fade
And when mine travels to wherever consciousness goes and becomes —
I want to carry with it,
the fulfilling weightlessness of them all
I want these last moments to be of joy —
where we dance together with all the colors of the sunset
letting our emotions ebb and flow
as whatever body of water they have become
But mostly —
I want to be absolutely present for the very last time
Natalie Ghandi is a poet and interdisciplinary artist. You can find more of her work at on her website.
NOTES FROM THE FIELD
Showing Children a Cemetery
by Laura Lyster-Mensch, DCDC Co-Founder and Steering Committee Member
I often take people on walks at Congressional Cemetery, where I volunteer. Some of my favorite strolls there have been with children. These walks are different than with adults and my death doula role is different as well.
Children never come unaccompanied, so a walk with a child or children is always initiated and in collaboration with their adults. Some parents ask for a walk around because of a child’s fascination or curiosity with dead bodies and the idea of death. Others are looking for ways to ease anxieties or concerns their children have expressed.
I appreciate the directness of children. Within five minutes of walking the grounds with a mother and her two children one day I was impressed when one of the girls fell prone onto the ground and said “But, why do people die?” Her mother and I exchanged a look: her daughter had gotten right to the point.
I never need to plan our route with kids: I follow them. Our cemetery has countless sights to explore, in every direction. It is never necessary or even possible to set an agenda. I try never to teach or lecture, but if I slip and try to share a historic fact or someone famous I am the one who gets the lesson: the children walk away toward something they find fascinating. I generally do too.
Knowing where the bodies are buried is a lot of fun. So is learning what the next generation thinks of what our ancestors have built to be remembered by.
Laura Lyster-Mensh is a certified death doula and is a founding member of the DCDC Steering Committee.
WHAT WE’RE READING
by Ali Brill, DCDC Steering Committee Member
This month, our Memento Mori Book Club is reading Ariel Gore’s Rehearsals for Dying: Digressions on Love and Cancer. We’ll be communing in the cozy stacks of People’s Book in Takoma Park, MD, on Sunday, November 30th from 6-7p. If you can’t make the weekend, we’ll gather again at local cocktail bar and community gathering space, Kbird DC, to discuss it on Thursday, December 4th from 6:30-8p. Drop me a line and I will send you the invite/s!
Rehearsals for Dying reads like a poetic journal. Gore has a beautiful way of bringing the reader into the raw, realistic reactions of her and her wife, Deena, as they navigate a breast cancer diagnosis. I’m a third of the way through, and I’ve already laughed, cried, and feverishly Googled new (to me) info presented by Gore. My favorite part, so far, and the concept occupying the most space in my brain, is her discussion on the topic of ‘healthism.’ Gore includes a snippet on page 43 from an article written by Robert Crawford, titled “Healthism and the Medicalization of Everyday Life.” It reads:
Like medicine, healthism situates the problem of health and disease at the level of the individual. Solutions are formulated at that level as well. To the extent that healthism shapes popular beliefs, we will continue to have a non-political, and therefore, ultimately ineffective conception and strategy of health promotion.
I look forward to picking up this book each week, and though the page count falls right around 300, I promise you’ll be tearing through the pages in no time! More in my review next month. I hope to see you at one of our upcoming book club meetings!
Ali Brill leads the Memento Mori Book Club in Takoma Park, MD, and Washington, DC
NOTES FROM THE FIELD
Don’t Fear the Finish Line: Essential End-of-Life Kit Planning Options
by Leslie Tolf, DCDC Steering Committee Member
Talking about death isn’t exactly everyone’s idea of a fun chat but ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. The good news? There are plenty of smart, user-friendly tools out there to help you plan ahead and reclaim control of your story. These are just a few I have tested, but there are a staggering number of options.
First up is Nokbox, a comprehensive organizer designed to make end-of-life planning straightforward. You’ll love this if you’re an organizational nerd, and like putting things in different colorful folders. It guides you through final wishes, passwords, legal documents, and more. This is one of the more expensive options. I have been slogging through this personally with my sister, with weekly accountability calls. Hard work!
Then there’s AARP’s Checklist for My Family — a no-nonsense guide to getting your affairs in order. It covers everything from identifying vital documents to recording final wishes. It’s perfect for those who want a clear, simple plan that keeps everything organized and easy to understand. And it’s inexpensive!
Everplans offers a digital solution to end-of-life planning. This secure platform allows you to store lots of documents. Plus, you can designate trusted individuals to access your information, ensuring your wishes are respected even if you’re unable to communicate.
A compassionate non-profit supplemental document is Five Wishes, utilized heavily in hospital and legal settings. This kit guides you in expressing your medical, personal, and spiritual preferences clearly. It’s written in plain language and helps ensure your values and desires are honored.
There’s also the LGBTQ+ Advance Care Planning Toolkit. This resource provides tailored guidance, ensuring your final wishes reflect your identity and relationships. Developed with sensitivity, it helps you advocate for your needs and ensures your loved ones know how to respect and honor your life.
In short, an end-of-life plan isn’t just about being prepared — it’s about reclaiming your story and easing the burden on your loved ones. These tools are your allies for turning fear into confidence.
What’s your favorite tool for getting your documents in order? Please email me at leslieatolf@gmail.com or text me at 202.215.9278. The DC Death Collective would love to start developing a resource directory.
Leslie Tolf is a certified death doula and is a founding member of the DCDC Steering Committee.
The Autumn Afterlife: A Beverage for Conversations That Matter
by Susan Wright, DCDC Steering Committee Member
Thanksgiving is a time for gathering, storytelling, laughter — and if we’re being honest, a little emotional overwhelm. Between the familiar faces and familiar flavors, it can also be the perfect moment to make space for the conversations we usually save for “someday.”
Maybe you’ve been thinking ahead for yourself, or you’re hoping to gently open a dialogue with your parents, your partner, or someone you love. Either way, this season of gratitude and reflection is a natural time to start. And if it helps, there’s a cocktail or mocktail to go with it.
Tips for Starting the Conversation
1. Begin with stories, not logistics. Instead of leaping into paperwork or care directives, start by sharing memories or asking about meaningful traditions. Try: “Do you remember your favorite Thanksgiving from childhood? What made it so special?”
2. Frame it as a gift of clarity. Explain that you want to honor their wishes and avoid guessing. Try: “I want to be sure I understand what matters to you if something were to happen. That way I can support you the way you’d really want.”
3. Open up about your own wishes. Normalize the topic by sharing something you’ve thought about first. Try: “I’ve been thinking about what I’d want if I got sick. It made me wonder what’s most important to you in a situation like that.”
4. Make it a game with The Death Deck. Ease the tension with something playful. The Death Deck is a card game designed to spark meaningful conversation about beliefs, fears, choices, and hopes surrounding death. Shuffle the deck, draw a card, and let the prompts open real talk.
5. Listen more than you speak. Sometimes the best gift is simply holding space. Even a short answer opens a door.
6. Respect the pace. These conversations don’t all have to happen at once. Plant the seed; water it gently over time.
And now, the drink to go with that depth...
Recipe: The Autumn Afterlife Highball
Ingredients (serves 1):
3 oz fresh apple cider
1 oz spiced black tea (like chai or an Assam steeped with a cinnamon stick and clove). Substitute bourbon or rye if you’d like to spike it!
½ oz fresh lemon juice
¾ oz maple syrup (the darker the better)
2 oz ginger beer (or a splash of club soda if you prefer less sweetness)
1 dash Angostura bitters
Pinch of fresh nutmeg
Garnish: apple slice
Instructions:
Combine apple cider, spiced tea/spirit, lemon juice, and maple syrup in a shaker with ice. Shake gently, then strain into a rocks glass with fresh ice
Top with ginger beer
Sprinkle cinnamon and nutmeg on top, add apple slice and cinnamon stick
Then simply sip and savor the conversation and company.
Susan Wright is an INELDA-trained death doula and lives at the intersection of where memento mori meets memento party