Newsletter #6: October 2025
For many of us, our favorite season has arrived! This beautiful and brief stretch of the year when it’s, well, a bit more socially acceptable to talk about death, the other side, and things that go bump in the night amidst polite company. Let us shine!
Things on my personal radar this month:
To Die For: A Cookbook of Gravestone Recipes by local author and former intern at Historic Congressional Cemetery, Rosie Grant. I’ve been following this project for a while now and am thrilled to see it in print! Check out her amazing TikTok project
The strange and wonderful classes from Morbid Anatomy – their offerings never cease to thrill me, and likely might do the same for you as well
The memorial stones on Kilbourne Place here in Mount Pleasant – quiet reminders of lives woven into the fabric of this city
Poppy’s, a bright, sunny funeral home in London that I recently had the pleasure of visiting. Last year, they were featured in this NYT piece about contemporary funeral homes that asked how do we commemorate death in 2024? Their answers include leopard print hearses, celebrations in libraries, and waffle parties
I stumbled upon this mysterious “time machine” of Brompton Cemetery – a 19th-century mausoleum rumored to be a portal through space and time. I was riveted and smitten in equal measure.
If you, too, are spending this month tending to what lies beneath – stories, rituals, questions, ghosts – we’d love to hear about it. Send us your 200-300 word reflections, news or projects to be considered for future issues.
Until then, keep your porch lights dim and your hearts open.
In care,
Robin Miniter, Co-Founder of The DC Death Collective
WHAT WE’RE READING
by Ali Brill, DCDC Steering Committee Member
This October, the Memento Mori Book Club finished Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. We explored the book’s themes at our usual spots in Takoma Park (People’s Book) and DC (Kbird DC). Personally, this was an intensely difficult read for me — so difficult that I didn’t finish the book on time for either book club meeting! *So you know…One of our treasured group norms is that you don’t have to finish the book to attend the meetings. We’ve got to be gentle with ourselves!* Gawande’s book is not tough by style, but by content (and emotional weight). The first few chapters paint a bleak picture of growing old and dying in this country. Though I feel that this book has been the most emotionally taxing read yet, it’s worth every tear, panic, and heartache. In our club discussions, we were astounded by the thorough and enlightening historical context Gawande provides throughout the book. I’ve heard this book referenced frequently in these circles, and now I know why!
I’ll leave you with what I think is one of the most tangible takeaways:
Gawande refers to a palliative care specialist at his hospital, Susan Block, who routinely uses a series of intentional and thoughtful questions with her patients. Gawande refines these four questions, and believes they are especially useful “whenever serious sickness or injury strikes and your body or mind breaks down” (p.259). The questions are:
What is your understanding of the situation and its potential outcomes?
What are your fears and what are your hopes?
What are the trade-offs you are willing to make and not willing to make?
What is the course of action that best serves this understanding?
Next up: Ariel Gore’s Rehearsals for Dying: Digressions on Love and Cancer. We’ll be gathering again in November and early December, and we’d love for you to join us. Drop me a line and I will send you the invite!
Ali Brill leads the Memento Mori Book Club in Takoma Park, MD, and Washington, DC
MEMBER SPOTLIGHT
by Susan Wright, DCDC Steering Committee Member
Meet Lily Buerkle! She’s a mortician and funeral director licensed in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia, and co-founder of the forthcoming Willow Green funeral home just north of the DC line. She was just featured in this piece by WAMU — check it out!
1. Could you summarize your vision for Willow Green to the DCDC community?
Willow Green will be a full-service funeral home that specializes in earth-friendly options. We will offer water cremation, natural organic reduction, green burials, but also services that are considered conventional as well.
I envision a funeral home that has a community space for both family gatherings and for funeral education. I envision a space for doulas. I envision a space for families to be welcomed in to help care for their person (if they wish) – think a body spa for the deceased where you can be washed and dressed or shrouded by family. I envision a space for all faiths. I envision a space that is culturally sensitive to family’s needs. I envision a space that empowers families and says yes as much as possible. I envision a space that always has natural burial caskets and natural burial shrouds on hand. A space that is judgement free – so if your family needs or wants embalming at death, they get it. And if your family wants a completely natural 3-day home vigil, they get it. I want the families who leave our funeral home to walk away with a sense of pride that they did right by their person. Whatever it is that “right” means for them. The goal is to enable families and to invite them into the process – to create a space where new traditions can form.
2. What part of Willow Green’s mission or day-to-day work feels closest to your heart, what is the piece that keeps you motivated to do this every day?
Right now, while we are putting our business together (and waiting on state regulations to be finalized) I think what feels closest to my heart is being that much closer to being able to say yes to something that was illegal just a few years ago. This has been a wild ride. It took two years to get the Green Death Care Options Act passed in Maryland which legalized both water cremation and natural organic reduction (what some call soil transformation or human composting). Additionally, we just fixed a zoning issue in Montgomery County to allow for water cremation vessels to be placed in funeral homes. The goal is to be as close to DC as possible to be able to serve the entire DMV. I have endless motivation to be part of the change in deathcare and to give families an experience in tune with their human needs, so that hopefully they can live better.
3. What is one myth or misconception about death or death work you would like to debunk?
I believe that death work is people work. I think the biggest myth is that the average person can’t handle this work. That they can’t do it. They can’t stomach it. That’s it’s too much. I really believe people were meant to care for one another at death, and that the ability to do so is something that we all have within us. I believe families are robbed of one of life’s most intimate, most human experiences when they aren’t present in some way with end-of-life care and the death care of the people they love most. I want people to know; YOU can do this. Yeah, YOU. And invite the children into the room too.
4. What’s the most meaningful advice you’ve ever received about living well—and how has it shaped the way you show up in your life or work?
Keep moving. Just keep moving. Don’t dwell. That doesn’t mean that you don’t feel. It doesn’t mean there won’t be cases or stories that will stop you in your tracks. You will witness cosmic loss. Loss you’ll never be able to make sense of or get your head around. But all you can do is your best. You never forget those people. But you do have to keep moving. Not only for your own sake, but for the sake of the other families you will serve. So you have to find a way to emotionally “bleed the brakes”. That’s how I think of it. (I drove an old Cadillac for years and I used to bleed my brakes.) Find your relief valve and keep moving. There’s this thing about funeral service. You are often a fly on the wall of someone’s worst day. Of the most raw sounds, raw emotions that sometimes feels more like an animal response than human. Where you have to pinch yourself to keep from letting the emotion make you unable to serve the family. And it’s not that you can’t feel, but you do need to keep it together to know the next step, to take care of the family. You do have it keep it together. And you do have to keep moving.
5. What’s something about you most people wouldn’t expect?
I’ve been obsessed with Bad Bunny for years. Like way before it was cool. I’ve spent countless hours of my life translating his lyrics. Most mornings my kids wake up to the beat of Benito permeating the house. I flew to San Juan the last weekend of La Residencia this summer to go see him.
6. What does self-care look like for you?
Self-care is not a strength of mine. Reggaeton helps. So does going out for a run. Especially in the woods. Getting lost in the woods on a running trail with friends and finding our way out. Finding alone time. Even if that means waking up super early just to be awake and alone (with coffee). I don’t often get enough time to let my own thoughts come in. I also love going to Friday night Shabbat service. I’m not Jewish but my husband is. I love the music so much at our temple. I usually sit and listen and cry. It brings me some kind of unwinding that I apparently really need. But also, do something for someone else. Write that sympathy card. Bake something. Drop it off on someone’s door. It will make you feel better.
7. DEATH DECK WILD CARD: What’s a story or song that you hope is shared at your funeral or celebration of life?
When I was much younger, I held this belief that your funeral was your last chance to entertain the people you love. Your last chance to make them laugh. And for the 20-something version of me, that meant I wanted to be embalmed sitting up in a cocktail dress and heels on, a martini glass in my hand, a giant smile on my face, sitting crossed-legged, looking at everyone in the room. I also wanted to be buried in my ’73 Cadillac Coupe Deville. So, it’s a good thing I didn’t die in my 20s. But I still want a lot of laughs. I would love to “lie in state” on my dining room table for a few days if my body condition permits it. And I’d love my friends to sit around and make my favorite cocktails (The Last Word, Aviation, or Bees Knees, or Negronis) and tell all the ridiculous stories they have about me. For music, I’d probably want some combination of old gospel, neo-Soul, rap, R&B, and Jewish hymns.
If you are interested in becoming our next Member Highlight, please reach out: SusanWright@DyingDoneWright.com.
Susan Wright is an INELDA-trained death doula and lives at the intersection of where memento mori meets memento party
UPCOMING EVENTS
Ongoing: Reflection Park is looking for volunteers!
Reflection Park is a new 40-acre natural burial ground and contemplative woodland space in Silver Spring, Maryland, dedicated to restoring our natural relationship with the cycle of life, death, and renewal. Located along New Hampshire Avenue, it offers an environmentally sustainable alternative to traditional cemeteries, emphasizing conservation, community, and reverence for the land. The team is currently seeking volunteers to help prepare the site, plant native species, support public events, and bring this vision of renewal to life.
Areas include horticulture/plant care, wildlife care, support with burial services (pallbearing/grave filling), and grave digging (by hand).
Check out this link to learn more.
Finding Your Humor In Grief's Shadow
Thursday, October 23, 2025; Thursday, October 30; Thursday, November 6 | 6:30–7:30 PM
In our culture, grief is expected to be somber and isolating – a solitary burden that keeps us disconnected from our full humanity. These cultural expectations often prevent true healing and trap people in prolonged suffering. This workshop, lead by DCDC member Mary Jo Neil, challenges these harmful norms by giving participants explicit permission to explore how humor and joy can serve as powerful coping mechanisms alongside their grief. While grief can create chronic stress, depression, and physical illness – humor and joy offer a healthy counterbalance. They reduce stress hormones, lift our spirits, enhance recovery, and most importantly, connect us to one another during our most vulnerable times.
Head on over to this link to learn more.
Death Cafe at All Souls Unitarian Church
Sunday, November 2, 2025 | 12:15–1:45 PM | 1500 Harvard Street NW
Join DCDC steering committee member Leslie Tolf for the newly launched cafe gathering ~ email her to register.
Día de los Muertos / Day of the Dead
Sunday, November 2, 2025 | 11:00a–3:00 PM |1801 E Street, Southeast Washington, DC 20003
Join us for an extraordinary celebration of Día de los Muertos at Historic Congressional Cemetery. In collaboration with special guest and Capitol Hill resident, Rosa Moreno, and Death Doula-in-Residence, Laura Lyster-Mensh, we will transform the chapel in the center of our grounds into a place of learning, remembrance, community gathering, and celebration of the Day of the Dead.
Several members of the DC Death Collective will be helping out! DCDC members will be helping participants add the pictures of people who have died to the community ofrenda (altar). Bring your own photos and momentos, paint sugar skulls, and learn to make paper flowers.
This is a beautiful opportunity to meet other DC Death Collective community members, too.
DC Death Collective Virtual Check-In
Sunday, November 2, 2025 | 5:00–5:30 PM | Google Meet link, no RSVP necessary
A gentle, monthly drop-in. Come say hi. Bring your thoughts, questions, or just your face. Whether you’re knee-deep in this work or quietly circling it, this is a space to connect, reflect, and be in community
Death Cafe at Congressional Cemetery
Thursday, November 6, 2025; Thursday, December 4, 2025 | 6:00–7:30 PM |The Historic Congressional Cemetery Chapel, 1801 E St SE, Washington, DC
An intimate monthly gathering to talk openly about death over tea and sweets. There’s no agenda—just space to be curious, contemplative, and in conversation. These Cafes are part of a global movement to demystify and destigmatize death through community dialogue.
Facilitated by a rotating crew of regional volunteers, each Death Cafe is gently held in a spirit of presence and privacy. Laura Lyster-Mensh, HCC’s Death Doula in Residence, represents the Cemetery at these events.
Free to attend. You're welcome to bring something to share—tea, sweets, or a small donation (suggested $5) to support event costs.
Due to space limits, please reserve your seat in advance. To join the waitlist or ask questions, email Laura
The DC Death Collective Monthly Happy Hour
Tuesday, November 25, 2025 | 6:30–7:30 PM | KBird DC, 1333 P St NW
Come join us in Logan Circle for a get together ~ let’s put some names to faces! Bring your curiosity, bring a friend, bring yourself. All are welcome.
Memento Mori Book Club (Location #1): Memento Mori Book Club (Location #1): Rehearsals for Dying: Digressions on Love and Cancer by Ariel Gore (MD)
Sunday, November 30, 2025 | 6:00–7:00 PM | People’s Book, 7014 Westmoreland Ave Suite A, Takoma Park, MD (RSVP to Ali)
Interested in building community around our shared mortality? Join us every other month for casual, thoughtful conversation about death, dying, grief—and ultimately, life. Guided by rotating readings, these gatherings are hosted by death doula Ali Brill on the last Thursday (DC) and Sunday (MD) of every other month
Memento Mori Book Club (Location #2): Rehearsals for Dying: Digressions on Love and Cancer by Ariel Gore (DC)
Thursday, December 4, 2025 | 6:30–8:00 PM | Kbird DC, 1333 P St NW, Washington, DC (RSVP to Ali)
Have an event that you’d like to submit to our calendar? Let us know.
Interested in becoming a member of the DC Death Collective? Join us.