Newsletter #4: August 2025
Hi friends,
August in DC has been hot, bright, and heavy. This past week, the Trump administration invoked authority under the D.C. Home Rule Act and activated around 800 National Guard troops to our city. At the same time, multiple federal agencies — including ICE, DEA, DHS, and the FBI — have deployed to our streets, with MPD leadership having formally extended their cooperation. Here in Mount Pleasant, multiple neighbors have been abducted.
The work of showing up for each other continues day in and day out. In our world, death and grief work are never neutral — they’re political. To tend to death and grief is to resist systems that too often disappear, dehumanize, or discard us. The safety we long for isn’t just the absence of harm, but the presence of care. We find this by actively building relationships with one another.
There are so many ways to show up. Here are just a few places to plug into actions and trainings throughout DC:
Harriet’s Wildest Dreams: A Black-led abolitionist hub in Greater DC focusing on community defense
FreeDC: a renewed campaign to protect Home Rule and win lasting dignity for our communities
The 51st: A source of local service journalism
And: showing up come in other (never-to-) small ways as well: inviting a neighbor for coffee, to come sit on your stoop with you. Offer to help run errands or drop off a treat. Share a meal.
We got to do a bit of that this month here at DCDC: we got together for our Skulls ’n Scones potluck brunch, so generously hosted by Susan Wright. It looked like a night of Grief Karaoke (highlighted beautifully by Leslie Tolf in this issue) in the chapel at Congressional Cemetery. And, in coming months, gathering together will involve more book club opportunities (two locations this month, hosted by Ali Brill!) a Grief Disco party I’m trying to plan here in the District (more on that later).
Until then: be good to yourselves and be good to one another. Don’t hesitate to reach out.
In solidarity and in care,
Robin Miniter, Co-Founder of The DC Death Collective
NOTES FROM THE FIELD: Death Doulas in the DC area: What do we do?
by Laura Lyster-Mensh, Co-Founder and DCDC Steering Committee Member
People are very curious when I say I am a “death doula.” I have met so many other death doulas and it is challenging to convey what we all share. We call ourselves different titles, engage in different activities, and have a range of ways we are rewarded or paid for what we do.
The names are many: end-of-life doula, death doula, death coach, end-of-life planner, death midwife, soul midwife, end-of-life guide, and many more. Yet how each person describes their work is strikingly unique. This is a field of interest in development.
Many death doulas in our region volunteer for hospice services, as I do. Some doulas work with individual clients, and others on equity and spiritual issues with a focus on death. I have met local doulas with skills guiding people through end-of-life organizing, legal paperwork, arranging for care of their bodies after death, and funerals. Some serve unhoused or jail populations, or do death awareness activities (my special interest as well). One organization in our area employs a team of doulas who serve dying patients in a large continuing care community.
I have met a companion animal death doula, a grief doula, and some who are both death and birth doulas. There are local doulas with a special interest in Medical Aid in Dying, and a good number whose work supports LGBTQIA+ communities. Some focus on a specific ethnic or religious community. I know people who do not call themselves doulas at all, but support dying people in our region or do death awareness activities in ways I recognize as doula-adjacent.
Are you a death doula, or interested in pursuing that role? I like to share resources and introduce people, so reach out. Add that to my own death doula roles: death librarian.
Laura Lyster-Mensh is a death doula, writer, tap dance enthusiast
WHAT WE’RE READING
by Ali Brill, DCDC Steering Committee Member
This month, the Memento Mori Book Club finished reading It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine. We gathered in Takoma Park (People’s Book) and DC (Kbird DC) to discuss Devine’s deeply validating work. We appreciated her refreshing candidness about the horrors of acute loss and grief. She makes the reader feel seen as she picks apart our culture’s poor response to the wildness of grief (p. 10), while providing digestible, practical tips to function in this often hostile space- like the “vomit metric” (p. 75). Pick up the book to read more! Her writing style is accessible to both active and dormant grievers alike. The content is chunked into short sections and chapters, and you are free to hop around!
If you’re interested in engaging with Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief portfolio, you can find her work here. Pro-tip: Her social media bits are engaging, accessible, and super easy to share with family and friends!
Next up: Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. We’ll be gathering again in September, and we’d love for you to join us. Send an email here to sign up.
Ali Brill leads the Memento Mori Book Club in Takoma Park, MD, and Washington, DC
NOTES FROM THE FIELD: Turning Silence into Sound: The Power of Death Karaoke to Celebrate Lives
by Leslie Tolf, DCDC Steering Committee Member
On Friday, August 8th, I had the opportunity to take my daughter to a unique mother-daughter event: Death Karaoke night at Congressional Cemetery. Artist Leigh Davis imagined the event as a way for participants to express and share in their grief by singing together. Karaoke was a brilliant platform to accomplish this—an outlet for emotions to break from everyday life.
The audience sang their hearts out – from “True Colors” to “Gaza is Calling.” This event was designed to commune and release the burden of carrying grief alone. In these days of feeling overwhelmed, this offered a joyful connection through song to help release some of the isolation that grief can often carry.
Leigh Davis is an artist and cultural organizer. She imagined this event as a way for participants to express and share in grief by singing together. Karaoke was a brilliant platform as it is an outlet for emotions to break from everyday life.
Leigh mentioned one of her favorite songs to sing out loud is Ke$sha’s song “Die Young.” She says, “I sing it loudly in the car. Yes, I’ve been thinking about karaoke as a process of collective release. When I’m in a group of people dancing or singing, it resonates. I want to feel things physically – singing, yelling, mourning, celebrating, releasing together. Karaoke does that if you’re into it.”
The Death Karaoke project's next stop is The Woodlands in Philadelphia; the calendar is here. Leigh also works on multidisciplinary projects related to end-of-life experiences. You can reach Leigh and her work here.
Leslie Tolf is a practicing death doula, providing compassionate, grounded support for individuals and families navigating the final chapter of life. She is passionate about working with the LGBTQ+ and addiction recovery communities.
MEMBER SPOTLIGHT
by Susan Wright, DCDC Steering Committee Member
Meet Holly Metcalf!
Holly is our DC Death Collective Member Highlight of the Month and is an INELDA-trained death doula and serious illness companion. As a young adult cancer survivor, they are particularly passionate about working with folks in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who have received unexpected diagnoses. Holly's spiritual practices are centered in a deep reverence for all things wild and the natural rhythms of life. Holly is the founder of Sacred Circle, LLC and is based in Alexandria, Virginia.
1. What brought you to the DC Death Collective?
I was excited to get involved with DC Death Collective since I started my work as a death doula in early 2025. I’m working part-time with Present for You, LLC across the DMV and I also founded my own Alexandria-based private practice, Sacred Circle.
2. Where do you feel most called to contribute either with DCDC or in the death care space?
As a young adult cancer survivor (diagnosed in my early 30s) and a seminary grad, I feel called to working with young adults who have received a life-threatening diagnosis. I think the particular experience of facing your own mortality in your 20s, 30s, or 40s — at a time when most of your peers aren’t ready to discuss it — can feel particularly traumatizing and isolating. It can bring up a lot of questions about the meaning of life and how we live — I love getting into the muck with folks and honoring what comes up and the surrounding grief.
3. What is one myth or misconception about death or death work you would like to debunk?
I’ve come to understand death as a natural part of every life: while certainly mysterious in some ways, also perfectly ordinary and universal to the human experience. I don’t necessarily ascribe to the idea that our final days require some formal reverence and seriousness if that is out of character for the individual. I think in the best cases, individuals’ deaths look like the multi-faceted lives that they lived — complicated, real, and uniquely beautiful. Death rarely looks like a Hallmark movie -- it looks like stressed-out imperfect humans trying to cope the best ways they know how. When folks invite me into their lives as a death doula, I try to understand what’s important to them in their life — and help to support them in writing a final chapter that honors their autonomy and agency and feels authentic to their individuality.
4. What’s the most meaningful advice you’ve ever received about living well—and how has it shaped the way you show up in your life or work?
I'm not sure if it counts as advice, but almost dying in my early 30s really reframed my approach to every day since. Before cancer I spent a lot of time sacrificing now for some imagined payoff in the future. I assumed I had 80 or 90 years to sort it all out. Suddenly, after cancer, I looked around me and could clearly see examples of people who didn't get those 80 years -- and I started to wonder why I was waiting to live the life I wanted. That started a whole process of deconstruction and reinvention for me that included a lot of shedding and rebirth. It brought me to a much better place, but the process was painful and scary at times. I think that's one reason why I like working with folks in transition periods where big questions can come up; I've been there and I'm not afraid to sit there with others. I also hope I continue to evolve as long as I live -- so I know I'll be there again.
As far as sources for advice about living well in the face of mortality: I've been reading a lot of Andrea Gibson since their passing and find their poetry to hold so much truth and wisdom about what it means to be a human.
5. What’s something about you most people wouldn’t expect?
My mom was a professional ballerina and I still get a lot of joy out of attending adult ballet classes when I can.
6. What does self-care look like for you?
I try to stay rooted in my morning and evening rituals and ensure my days aren't consistently overscheduled. Most days I take some time to write a gratitude list. Most days I try to watch the sunset. I spend a lot of time in nature -- the great blue herons over the Potomac are magical and I find them to be really grounding. I'm grateful for my core group of friends who surround and support me and ensure I stay right-sized and realistic about what it means to live in community with other humans. I'm grateful for my therapist who continues to help me evolve and be intentional about how I show up in the world.
When I have a client who dies or is experiencing grief, I try to be intentional about making time to feel those emotions. I usually light a candle, do some gentle yin yoga, and sometimes journal about my grief. Sometimes I go for a long walk along the Potomac. I've found that if I rush past those feelings — particularly if I don't move my body — the feelings start to show up in unhealthy ways.
7. DEATH DECK WILD CARD: If you could plan your own celebration of life party, where would it take place and what would be the theme?
I imagine an outdoor celebration where folks bring a poem or a quote that they want to share. I imagine folks dressed casually, maybe in one of my favorite band t-shirts or political slogans. I imagine something creative — some kind of art making or dancing. I think mostly I imagine it being a time of connection for the folks in my circle — for those who knew each other to reconnect and for others to meet for the first time.
If you are interested in becoming our next Member Highlight, please reach out: SusanWright@DyingDoneWright.com.
Susan Wright is an INELDA-trained death doula and lives at the intersection of where memento mori meets memento party
UPCOMING EVENTS
Paint Your Grief
Sunday, August 24th, 2025 | 6:00–8:00 PMTemperance Alley Garden, 1931 13th Street NorthwestWashington, DC
In this workshop, local artist Ellie Dries provides a demo on a tried-and-true way to paint a moving portrait. This can be a self-portrait conveying how you’ve changed, a portrait of your person, or a portrait of the friends carrying you through. Interwoven throughout, she will provide reflection questions and opportunities for you to share about your grief.
Death Cafe at Congressional Cemetery
Thursday, September 4th, 2025 | 6:00–7:30 PMHistoric Congressional Cemetery Chapel, 1801 E St SE, Washington, DC
Facilitated by a rotating crew of regional volunteers, each Death Cafe is gently held in a spirit of presence and privacy. Our Death Doula in Residence, Laura Lyster-Mensh, represents the Cemetery at these events.
Due to space limits, please reserve your seat in advance. To join the waitlist or ask questions, email Laura
DC Death Collective Virtual Check-In
Sunday, September 7, 2025 | 5:00–5:30 PM | Zoom link, no RSVP necessary
A gentle, monthly drop-in. Come say hi. Bring your thoughts, questions, or just your face. Whether you’re knee-deep in this work or quietly circling it, this is a space to connect, reflect, and be in community
Memento Mori Book Club (Location #1): Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande (DC)
Thursday, September 25, 2025 | 6:30–8:00 PM | Kbird DC, 1333 P St NW, Washington, DC (RSVP to Ali)
Interested in building community around our shared mortality? Join us every other month for casual, thoughtful conversation about death, dying, grief—and ultimately, life. Guided by rotating readings, these gatherings are hosted by death doula Ali Brill and held in the cozy stacks of People’s Book.
Memento Mori Book Club (Location #2): Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande (Takoma Park)
Sunday, September 28, 2025 | 6:00–7:00 PM | People’s Book, 7014 Westmoreland Ave Suite A, Takoma Park, MD (RSVP to Ali)
Holding Grief in Community: A Remembrance Workshop
Friday, September 26, 2025 | 5:45–7:45 PM |Lūneh Yoga, 2000 S St NW Suite 100, Washington, DC
At the turn of the season, the fall equinox is a time for reflection and preparing for wintering, which mirrors this workshop offering. We will create a nurturing space to intentionally remember a loved one, at whatever season of grief you are honoring. Through gentle yoga, guided meditation, and reflective practices, we will explore ways to honor loved ones while fostering personal healing.
Participants will leave with tools to process grief, experience emotional release, and feel more grounded in the present moment.
Hosted by DCDC member Mary Sullivan, a Washington Hospital Center Chaplain death doula. Mary creates meaningful ceremonies to honor The Resting and support The Living as their loved ones pass on. Mary is also a trained kundalini yoga teacher, reiki master, and birth doula.