Hi friends, 

We’re heading into the darkest stretch of the year. I love this season of incubation: the soft glow of candles, the sense of everything tucking itself in. Our bodies in downshift. 

This year I have my first Christmas tree. I cut it down with my own two hands (really leaning into that Paula Bunyan energy over here) and covered it in silver tinsel and big red bows. As I write this, my partner is at the table threading dried citrus onto gold string. It feels simple, sweet, quiet, good.

I’m thinking a lot about what’s taking root now that might surface by spring. About the small fires we’re all tending to. About the things that might just need a little more space to expand. It’s a season for patience. 

I invite you to think about: where are you finding warmth? What in your life is ready to be laid to rest? What needs a bit more time underground?

If this season brings up grief or sharp edges, Leslie Tolf will be hosting Grieving Over the Holidays on Sunday, December 14th at 4PM. We also have a new wintertime workshop series offering from Sam Stebbins which begins early January. Our events are listed at the bottom of this missive, so head down there to learn more. 

Looking forward to connecting with you all in the new year. Be well out there.

Warmly,

Robin Miniter, Co-Founder of The DC Death Collective

✨NOTES FROM THE FIELD✨

Emily Heard a Fly (excerpt from The Death Doula on the D6)

by Laura Lyster-Mensh

Emily Dickinson, the poet, spoke of hearing a fly as she died. The lady whose hand I was holding heard me fart.

I could say that I was mortified but that’s too easy a joke. I was sitting at a deathbed in quiet room on a quiet hallway: no music, windows closed, the TV mercifully off. This woman and I had been wordlessly together for two hours as her breaths slowed and ramped up and slowed again in the way of dying humans. 

And then it happened. I do not speak aloud in these rooms yet  this utterance broke all norms.

I couldn’t even apologize because that would have been a worse offense. This poor lady I had serenaded so rudely was now more intimate with me than anyone I know.

Farting is not funny to me, but my extreme privacy in such matters actually is. There was that time I woke up to my own salute to hear my husband laughing with glee at this fall in my dignity. We do not speak of this.

But now I had passed audible gas in a room alone with a lady who deserved better as she labored to pass away. I froze, to be sure, but this would not have been remarkable since I was already so still, it was a deathbed after all. The moment passed. She did not. 

There would be time for other last sounds for her.

Laura Lyster-Mensh is a death doula and is a DCDC Co-Founder and Steering Committee Member. 

✨Notes From the Field: Barriers to Burial✨

by Susan Wright, DCDC Steering Committee Member

At the last DC Death Collective happy hour, I found myself in conversation with an amazing person who volunteers with hospice. She shared a story that has stayed with me and likely will for a long time.

A woman she had been caring for died, and she attended the funeral to honor her. When she and the funeral director arrived at the cemetery, they were met with something no grieving family or caregiver should ever have to experience: the grave had not been dug. There was an outstanding balance on the account, and until it was paid, the burial could not proceed.

She described how heartbreaking and disorienting it was and how grief was suddenly mixed with logistics and the painful reminder that even though death unites us in our humanity, this can often be interrupted by financial barriers.

That story moved many of us that night, including my wonderful partner, who quietly made a contribution to Reflection Park’s Burial Assistance Fund so that others would not have to face that same moment of pain and uncertainty.

Reflection Park is a new nonprofit 501(c)(3) natural burial ground just outside of DC in Silver Spring, MD. Part of Reflection Park's mission is to ensure everyone has the right to a respectful and affordable burial. The Burial Assistance Fund exists so that no family is turned away from a meaningful burial because of financial difficulty. The fund supports individuals with need-based assistance for interment rights or burial day services, helping to remove cost as a barrier to dignity.

As more families reach out for help, the fund needs to grow along with the community it serves. If you have the means and find it in your joy to do so I invite you to make a tax-deductible contribution in any amount that feels right.

• Donate to Reflection Park's Burial Assistance Fund

• Learn more about Reflection Park's Mission

Thank you for being part of a community that shows up for one another in life, in dying, and in the sacred work of care that connects us all.

Susan Wright is an INELDA-trained death doula and lives at the intersection of where memento mori meets memento party. She is the Family Services and Operations Manager at Reflection Park.

✨How Do You Want to be Remembered?✨

by Natalie Gandhi, DCDC Member

like lightning in a thunderstorm 

not just the moment it tears seams through the skyline

but the whole symphony —

from start to finish

the slow build up days before —

barometric pressures increasing —

the hair on your skin rising

with the incoming charge 

the intense darkness —

clouding the skies of the mind

dimming daylight to midnight 

and then moments before 

where the whole of everything waits in anticipation —

the crescendo —

heart palpitating —

breath urgent — 

goosebumps forming —

entire bodies tingling 

wind whipping you into another dimension

and of course — the powerful release 

a loud fracture ripping everything open 

shining a momentary light —

illuminating the shadows 

and yet…

that next moment 

amidst the storm —

soft and sweet…

not like chocolate 

more like a very ripe raspberry

after eating one that was much too sour —

relishing and savoring 

the moment of calm 

a pause within the cacophony 

the heart skips a beat 

slowing its rhythm 

breath catching — 

at the beauty within the intensity 

it’s easy to remember me as a lightning bolt

but the space after? 

a presence within the void —

my heart doesn’t fade

because that’s where I’ll remain.

Natalie Gandhi is a poet and interdisciplinary artist. You can find more of her work on her website. You can also visit her new "A Peace of the Sea Exhibition" at Northside Social (3211 Wilson Blvd, Arlington, VA) from now until March 5, 2026.

✨VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITY✨

Reflection Park is a new 40-acre natural burial ground and contemplative woodland space in Silver Spring, Maryland, dedicated to restoring our natural relationship with the cycle of life, death, and renewal. Located along New Hampshire Avenue, it offers an environmentally sustainable alternative to traditional cemeteries, emphasizing conservation, community, and reverence for the land. The team is currently seeking volunteers to help prepare the site, plant native species, support public events, and bring this vision of renewal to life.

Areas include horticulture/plant care, wildlife care, support with burial services (pallbearing/grave filling), and grave digging (by hand).

Check out this link to learn more. 

✨UPCOMING EVENTS✨

💛 Grieving Over the Holidays: A DCDC Webinar
Sunday, December 14, 2025 | 4:00-5:30p PM | Zoom

Join us for "Grieving Over the Holidays," a webinar designed to support individuals navigating loss during this emotionally challenging time of year. Discover practical strategies, share in a supportive community, and find ways to honor your feelings. Together, we'll explore paths to healing and resilience amidst the holiday season. Please get in touch with Leslie at leslieatolf@gmail.com or 202.215.9278 for the Zoom link. Free.

💛 Death Cafe at the Arlington Public Library - Courthouse
Tuesday, December 16, 2025 | 6:00-7:30P 📍 2100 Clarendon Blvd, Arlington, VA  

Join us for a Death Cafe — an open, informal gathering where people come together to talk about death, dying, and the many thoughts and feelings that surround them. There is no set agenda or objective beyond creating a welcoming space for honest conversation. It’s not a grief support group or counseling session, but rather a chance to explore a topic we all share in common. Tea and cake will be served as we reflect, share, and listen in a spirit of curiosity and respect. RSVP here.

💛 Death Cafe at All Souls Unitarian Church
Sunday, January 4, 2026; February 1, 2026| 12:10–1:30 PM 📍 1500 Harvard Street NW

Join DCDC steering committee member Leslie Tolf for the newly launched cafe gathering ~ email her to register. 

💛 DC Death Collective Virtual Check-In
Sunday, January 4, 2026 | 5:00–5:30 PM |📍 Google Meet link, no RSVP necessary

A gentle, monthly drop-in. Come say hi. Bring your thoughts, questions, or just your face. Whether you’re knee-deep in this work or quietly circling it, this is a space to connect, reflect, and be in community

💛 Living and Dying with Creativity, hosted by Sam Stebbins

• COHORT #1: Tuesday evenings from 7:00 - 8:15 pm ET on January 6th, January 20th, and February 3rd, with a makeup session on February 24th

• COHORT #2: Monday afternoons from 4:00 - 5:15 pm ET on January 12th, January 26th, and February 9th, with a make-up session on February 23rd

When you acknowledge and accept that you will die, you can more deeply explore how to live as fully as possible in the time you have. Sam Stebbins, End of Life Doula, Certified Interspiritual Counselor, and retired physician will lead a three-session discussion group to help you find and use your unique creative spark.

The course consists of three 75-minute ZOOM sessions that take place every two weeks over two months. Cost: $40. Please contact Sam for enrollment.

💛 Memento Mori Book Club: Too Poor to Die: The Hidden Realities of Dying in the Margins by Amy Shea

• Sunday January 25, 2026 | 6:00 PM | People’s Book, 7014 Westmoreland Ave Suite A, Takoma Park, MD (RSVP to Ali) 

• Thursday January 29, 2026 | 6:30 PM | Kbird DC, 1333 P Street NW, DC (RSVP to Ali)

Too Poor to Die: The Hidden Realities of Dying in the Margins is a collection of interconnected essays that illuminates what happens to people who die while experiencing homelessness, or who become indigent or unclaimed at the end of life. Guided by rotating readings from the book, these gatherings are hosted by death doula Ali Brill. 

Have an event that you’d like to submit to our calendar? Let us know.

Interested in becoming a member of the DC Death Collective? Join us.