Happy new year, all! ✨

We’re ringing in the new year feeling grateful, energized, and honestly pretty excited. Thank you for being here and helping shape this growing community. We are now 30+ supporting members strong, alongside 200+ community members who are follow along from across the DMV.

Last year, we gathered 24 times, popped-up at three community events, held 10 steering committee meetings, and sent nine newsletters out into the ether. All of this powered by volunteers, members, and a shared belief that this work is better when we do it together.

And the year ahead? It’s already taking shape!

This month: a death worker matchmaking experiment, a book club, a new nature walk series, and ongoing volunteer opportunities at Reflection Park. These are all more chances to connect, wander, show up, and build something together. See you soon. We’re so glad you’re part of this.

Warmly,

Robin Miniter, Co-Founder of The DC Death Collective

💌 A Valentine’s Season Member Offering: Death Worker Blind Date Matchmaking 💌

This February, we’re playing matchmaker! Join us for a surprise, one-time, professional “date” with another DCDC member, designed to help you meet someone new within our community for curiosity, shop talk, and possibly some synchronicity. 

Get started here!

✨ Love is in the air at Congressional Cemetery! ✨

✨ How to Sit with the Dying ✨

by Laura Lyster-Mensh

I volunteer to sit with people who are dying alone in DC. No two death beds are the same: I start over every time. When I enter a room I can never predict what they will need from me, or if they need anything I have to offer. Some want to talk but most are done with talking. Some are peaceful and others agitated. They may die while I am there, in which case my presence changes the very end of their story. They may not die for hours or weeks, and my presence is just a flutter of presence in a long decline.

All I have to give this individual fellow human is the hours I am there. It can feel enormous or painfully meaningless.

Early on I mistakenly tried to ‘do,’ I had to learn how to just ‘be,’ at bedside. I learned take the time to read the personal items around them and how the person was breathing. I learned to sit alongside without staring. Most of all, I had to be present without needing anything myself. 

Each of us who sits vigil has our own way. As a hospice volunteer and end of life doula, I have had training and learned from others, but had to develop my own intuition and comfort. For me, it is breathing with the person and sometimes holding hands. For others it may be reading or singing. I even had a friend who gently played harmonica at bedside.

People die alone for many reasons, but a fear of the dying is at least part of the problem. If everyone showed up more in our families, our neighborhoods, our communities we could offer comfort and dignity and basic humanity in this way. The benefit to the dying is easy to understand, but I also find it a benefit for those of us who do it. My own fear of death is allayed by improving deaths in my community. My sense of connection and community is stronger. I feel part of a timeless legacy of humans showing up for others at end of life, which I hope some day will be completed by others at my death bed.

Interested in death care? Join us at the DC Death Collective as a member. You are needed.

Laura Lyster-Mensh is a death doula and is a DCDC Co-Founder and Steering Committee Member. 

✨Doulas and advocates lobby lawmakers to protect DC’s “Death with Dignity” law✨

by Sam Stebbins

Washington, D.C.'s Death with Dignity Act, effective 2017, allows terminally ill, mentally capable adult residents with less than six months to live to request life-ending medication from physicians for a peaceful death. This is called Medical Aid in Dying, or MAID. This year, it was under threat in DC due to actions by House Republicans to repeal the act AND prohibit enacting any similar act. Attendants included:

Two doulas from DCDC (Sam Stebbins and Jane Euler), Stella Dawson (whose wife Mary Klein advocated for the act while dying of ovarian cancer and was, in the end, the first person in DC to make use of the law’s provisions), as well as six other nurses, doctors, advocates, and individuals whose loved ones had either used MAID or were unable to do so due to lack of access.

The group visited the offices of Senators Van Hollen (MD), Kim (NJ) and Booker (NJ), and house members Stoyer (MD) and Holmes Norton (DC). 

We learned during these visits that the House Republicans “rider,” along with a number of other restrictions to DC’s sovereignty, had been removed just a day before in negotiations between House and Senate appropriation committee members. This was GREAT NEWS! Although the large majority of dying people do not make use of MAID, it is essential that this choice is available for those dying with intractable pain and suffering. It is worth noting that 3 new states have very recently approved MAID: New York, Illinois, and Delaware. This brings the total to 13 states and DC, covering roughly 100 million Americans. It is likely that Virginia will see legislation introduced in 2026. Unfortunately for Maryland, there remains a deadlock in the Senate and no action is expected this year.

For those who want to learn more about or help support MAID in DC, please visit the End of Life Options DC website.

Sam Stebbins is a DCDC Steering Committee Member, Hospice volunteer and an experienced end-of-life doula with a background in medicine, dementia care, Reiki, pet therapy, and interspiritual counseling. He is a happy husband, father, grandfather, son, and pet caretaker. You can contact him here.

✨Pawprints on our Hearts: Embracing Pet Grief✨

by Leslie Tolf, DCDC Steering Committee Member

As a death doula, I’ve witnessed firsthand the profound grief people experience after losing our cherished pets. These creatures often hold an irreplaceable spot in our hearts, providing companionship and unconditional love. At my last death café, an individual from Burma talked about how profound his grief has been since his beloved cat was tragically mauled by street dogs three years ago. This heart-wrenching experience has illuminated his death education journey. He cherishes his cat’s collar, preserving it as a memento in a prominent place in his home.

I tell people, if it’s life-changing love, then it’s life-changing loss,” said Jessica Kwerel, of petlossdc.com, a Washington, D.C., psychotherapist who specializes in helping people cope with pet loss. “We form really intense attachments with our pets. They’re witnesses to everything in our lives and it’s about unconditional love, which we might not get in other relationships.”

The depth of our grief when a pet dies can be astonishing. Jessica Kwerel continues, “losing a pet can activate the same brain and stress systems as losing a human loved one. The pain comes from the loss of a meaningful connection, not from what kind of being was lost. This is why grief after pet loss is real, normal, and neurologically valid.” More on this neuroscience connection here.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Allow yourself to grieve. Recognize that your feelings are valid and that pet loss can be just as impactful as losing a human loved one. Consider going to a death café and talking about it!

Also remember children have a special connection to their pets, and their death may be their first experience of a dying process. Check out resources here and consider books like Saying Goodbye to Lulu, and Mister Roger’s When a Pet Dies.

Memorialize Your Pet

Like humans, there are a number of creative ways you can honor your pet’s memory, a good guide can be found here. Some ideas include planting a bush or tree in your pet’s memory.

Having a funeral or memorial service.

Did you know that Congressional Cemetery has a Kingdom of Animal’s pet cemetery?

Reach Out for Support

Don’t hesitate to talk about your feelings with friends or family. Here are great support tools:

• https://www.petlosscommunity.com

• https://www.aplb.org/support/

• Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline: (607) 218-7457

• Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline: (508) 839-7966

Consider Volunteering or Fostering

Channeling your love for animals into helping others can be therapeutic. Volunteering at an animal shelter or fostering pets in need can provide comfort and a sense of purpose during this difficult time.

Celebrate Their Life

Finally, remember to celebrate your pet’s life. Reflect on the moments of happiness they brought into your world and hold onto the joy they shared. Create a small ritual or annual event to honor their memory and the love you shared.

Leslie Tolf is a certified death doula and is a founding member of the DCDC Steering Committee. She can be reached at leslieatolf@gmail.com or 202.215.9278.

✨The Last Moment✨

by Natalie Gandhi, DCDC Member

Crying and Sobbing

The last thing I said to him…

I never got to say goodbye…

I was rude when she walked out the door…

Now I’ll never be able to make it right 

As if a relationship isn’t the conglomeration

The amalgamation 

Of every interaction 

Every piece — data

Every point — expansion or contraction

The last — 

Might be the final,

But that doesn’t make it the most important

Natalie Gandhi is a poet and interdisciplinary artist. You can find more of her work on her website. You can also visit her new "A Peace of the Sea Exhibition" at Northside Social (3211 Wilson Blvd, Arlington, VA) from now until March 5, 2026.

✨UPCOMING EVENTS✨

💛 Finding Joy in the Shadow of Loss (Online Program) | Thursday evenings, January 15th, 22nd, 29th. 6:30p-8p

Mary Jo will guide us in gentle discussion where our views and expectations regarding grief and loss will be explored and then suggest how joy and humor are accessible tools for coping, stress reduction, and healing. This is not about ‘cheering up’ grief but instead allowing space for the whole of our emotional experience and response. There will be quiet time for reflection and opportunities to share as you feel led. Join Mary Jo in this safe and sacred space to discover the humor that can be found in the heartbreaks and absurdities of life, the healing that is possible through laughter and lightness, and how community can accelerate healing.

For more information, follow this link.

💛  Demystify Death Nature Walk, Glencarlyn Park, Arlington, VA | January 24th, 2:00-3:30 pm; January 31st, 10:30a-12:00p; February 4th, 10:30a-12:00p; February 15th, 2:00p-3:30p. $25-$65+ sliding scale pricing options.

Join an intimate nature walk that will evoke connections with the seasonality of the natural world and your mortality. We will discern how we can live more fully by considering our eventual death. 

More information and registration here.

💛 Memento Mori Book Club: Too Poor to Die: The Hidden Realities of Dying in the Margins by Amy Shea

• Thursday, January 29, 2026 | 6:30 PM | Kbird DC, 1333 P Street NW, DC (RSVP to Ali)

• Sunday, February 1st, 2026 | 6:30 PM | People’s Book, 7014 Westmoreland Ave Suite A, Takoma Park, MD (RSVP to Ali) 

Too Poor to Die: The Hidden Realities of Dying in the Margins is a collection of interconnected essays that illuminates what happens to people who die while experiencing homelessness, or who become indigent or unclaimed at the end of life. Guided by rotating readings from the book, these gatherings are hosted by death doula Ali Brill. 

💛 Death Cafes at All Souls Unitarian Church
Sunday, March 1st, April 5th, May 3rd, 2026| 12:10–1:30 PM 📍 1500 Harvard Street NW

Join DCDC steering committee member Leslie Tolf for the newly launched cafe gathering ~ email her to register. 

💛 DC Death Collective Virtual Check-In
Sunday, February 8th, 2026 | 5:00–5:30 PM |📍 Google Meet link, no RSVP necessary

A gentle, monthly drop-in. Come say hi. Bring your thoughts, questions, or just your face. Whether you’re knee-deep in this work or quietly circling it, this is a space to connect, reflect, and be in community

Have an event that you’d like to submit to our calendar? Let us know.

Interested in becoming a member of the DC Death Collective? Join us.