Hi all! 

We’re in it now! Peak DC summer has arrived. The local pools are sure doing some heavy lifting, and I hope you’ve managed to dip your toes in.

I recently made a quick escape to a place I’ve been daydreaming about for years: the New Mexico desert. Most days I was walking, napping, sitting ~ in canyons, in pillows, in hot springs. I found a little stillness there ~ up with the sunrise, reading The Path of the Holy Fool, which, interestingly enough, was the only book in my Airbnb. I was delighted (intrigued!) to find it there, so I dove right in.

It didn’t take long after finishing it to coincidentally (weirdly!) stumble across an outdoor labyrinth made of stone and sand. Of course, I had to take a little stroll through it ~ and what a lovely ramble it was. A kind of quiet kind of prayer. A meditation, some wishes, the hope of finding some clarity on a winding path. I don’t need to hammer the metaphors home too hard ~ but it was just what I needed. May we all continue to wayfind within ourselves, through our work, through our world.

Back here in DC, June was no less sweaty. The DC Death Collective had its unofficial “coming out” party at Gays & Graves at Congressional Cemetery. What a smash hit! So wonderful to meet so many of you. It was a day full of drag queens, snow cones, lovely neighbors and travelers, with a good dose of history and community to boot. A dream. We also visited our very own steering committee member Leslie Tolf’s newly-minted, newly-installed headstone, which ~ even though she was tabling with us and we had been hanging out all day ~ felt nothing short of a celebrity sighting. More from her below. 

And finally, something exciting tonight! We want to hear from you. From 7p-9p this evening, our very own Sam Stebbins is holding office hours if you have questions about the Collective, want to help out, have other burning thoughts, or are just starting to get a little curious about all of this. He’ll be waiting for you in this zoom room.

Glad to be in this with all of you. Stay cool out there. 

Robin Miniter, Co-Founder of The DC Death Collective

✨ NOTES FROM THE FIELD: Why this death doula carries Narcan ✨

by Laura Lyster-Mensh, Co-Founder and DCDC Steering Committee Member

Years ago, I adopted a “death positive” approach to living. For me, being death positive means normalizing death as part of life. 

It does not mean accepting early and unnecessary deaths. In DC, death from preventable causes like drug overdoses happens at extraordinarily high rates. As a death doula, I am aware of preventable death as part of my calling. I do this as an individual by carrying a drug overdose reversal drug, Narcan, in my purse. I do this in the community by sharing a single box of Narcan at most of my public events, and encouraging  everyone to consider carrying this lifesaving intervention. Rates of overdose deaths are finally falling, and Narcan’s availability may be part of the reason. 

Narcan is packaged as a single-dose nasal spray, and if given in time to someone experiencing a narcotic overdose can give them another chance to live, and even to thrive. The spray is easy to give, will not cause harm if the person does not turn out to be overdosing, and is widely available at low cost or free from various sources. I request and receive a box of them each year from a government agency. (in DC, text “LiveLongDC” to 888-811)

Twice, since I started carrying Narcan, I have had occasion to help someone in my neighborhood who appeared to be unconscious on the ground in my neighborhood. I grabbed my Narcan package and called 911 as I approached and tried to rouse them. Both situations resolved without using the spray, but knowing I was prepared gave me confidence and courage. The second time, the person regained consciousness and thanked me.

 For me, accepting and normalizing death means caring about quality of life, and preventable early death. 

Laura Lyster-Mensh is a death doula, writer, tap dance enthusiast

✨WHAT WE’RE READING✨

by Ali Brill, DCDC Steering Committee Member

This month, our Memento Mori Book Club is beginning Megan Devine’s It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand. We’ll be gathering at local cocktail bar and community gathering space, Kbird DC, to discuss it on Thursday, July 31st from 6:30-8p. If you can’t make the weekday, we’ll meet again at People’s Book in Takoma Park, MD, on Sunday, August 3rd from 6-7p. Drop me a line and I will send you the invite!

It’s OK That You’re Not OK is, at its core, a book about grief and love. I find it to be a timely read about living in a world full of loss and grief, while simultaneously attempting to love each other better. My favorite quote so far:

“We have to start telling the truth about this kind of pain. About grief, about love, about loss. Because the truth is, in one way or another, loving each other means losing each other. Being alive in such a fleeting, tenuous world is hard. Our hearts get broken in ways that can’t be fixed. There is pain that becomes an immovable part of our lives. We need to know how to endure that, how to care for ourselves inside that, how to care for one another. We need to know how to live here, where life as we know it can change, forever, at any time. We need to start talking about that reality of life, which is also the reality of love” (p. 7).

Ali Brill leads the Memento Mori Book Club in Takoma Park, MD, and Washington, DC

✨ NOTES FROM THE FIELD: How to Queer your End-of-Life Planning ✨

by Leslie Tolf, DCDC Steering Committee Member

In June, D.C. hosted the International Pride festival. As someone who’s marched since the ‘80s, it felt bittersweet - joyful for how far we’ve come, but sobering as we watch hard-won rights being threatened. 

It’s more important than ever to think about how we plan our end-of-life journey. LGBTQ+ people are twice as likely to live alone, and four times less likely to have children. Having a solid plan for end-of-life planning is a form of self-protection. Here are a few things to consider: 

1. Honor Your Family of Choice 

Most of us rely on chosen family – partners, friends, or community members who’ve supported us. Creating a will or a trust ensures they, not estranged relatives, handle your care and legacy. Compassion and Choices has an excellent resource: LGBTQ+ advance-care-planning toolkit. 

2. What to Do When You Are Well 

Don’t wait for a crisis. Advance directives, wills, and conversations with your chosen family are essential. Funeral costs can add stress – planning early helps. The Louisiana LGBTQ+End of Life Guide is an excellent resource for looking at the consumer protections that are in place when talking to funeral businesses.

Trans and gender-diverse individuals should include specific language in healthcare directives to affirm their identity. This ensures professionals respect your name, pronouns, and care preferences. The National Resource Center on LGBT Aging has example language in this publication. 

3. Preparing for Living with Serious Illness 

If you or a loved one faces a major health event, creating a care plan is vital. SAGE has prepared a great guide. Also, explore LGBTQ+ friendly communities – like Mary’s House in D.C. Every case is unique, and the National Resource Center for LGBTQ+ Aging can provide technical assistance. 

Most importantly, as my good friend Diane Ullius says, “Hold on to the love. Keep hugging, keep laughing—these are the things that carry us through.” 

4. Honoring Life 

As a death doula, I began by planning my own goodbye. I found peace and joy in buying a burial plot at D.C. Congressional Cemetery, known for its LGBTQ+ section. I even designed my tombstone and had it shipped from Tennessee! 

Your celebration can be personal and powerful. Check out creative ideas - like Friends Funeral Home in Los Angeles. They have great ideas for GLBTQ+ funerals, pagan, Buddhist, space burial, Japanese Obon, and others. 

End-of-life planning isn’t just practical. It’s a way to claim your dignity, your people, and your truth. If you want to chat more about this, give me a call at 202-215-9278.

Leslie Tolf is a practicing death doula, providing compassionate, grounded support for individuals and families navigating the final chapter of life. She is passionate about working with the LGBTQ+ and addiction recovery communities.

✨MEMBER SPOTLIGHT✨

by Susan Wright, DCDC Steering Committee Member

Meet Sam Stebbins! He is our DC Death Collective Member Highlight of the Month! In addition to being a steering committee member of DCDC, he is an experienced hospice volunteer, INELDA-trained end-of-life doula and a trained inter-spiritual companion.

1. What brought you to DCDC? 

Monster desire to help create an information hub for anyone working/volunteering in the death and dying trade or looking for assistance with challenging end of life issues in the greater DC area.

2. Where do you feel most called to contribute either with DCDC or in the death care space?  

I love being a full-services end-of-life doula

3. What is one myth or misconception about death or death work you would like to debunk? 

Don’t feel so guilty that you weren’t perfect for your loved one when they died! Life is bigger than we are and all you can do is your best - and sometimes it won’t work out like you hoped and expected.

4. What’s the most meaningful advice you’ve ever received about living well—and how has it shaped the way you show up in your life or work? 

You can’t live your fullest life until you understand that you will someday die and have accepted that. Avoiding the truth doesn’t work and it provides endless opportunities for pain and suffering.

5. What’s something about you most people wouldn’t expect? 

I am a crazy mountain biker.

6. What does self care look like for you?

Giving and sharing love and affection. 

7. DEATH DECK WILD CARD: Given a chance to choose your very last meal, what would you indulge in? 

Honestly, and I know this will sound trite, but I’d prefer that my loved ones enjoyed the best possible chocolate ice cream after I am dead. And Reese Peanut Butter Cups too.

If you are interested in becoming our next Member Highlight, please reach out: SusanWright@DyingDoneWright.com.

Susan Wright is an INELDA-trained death doula and lives at the intersection of where memento mori meets memento party

✨UPCOMING EVENTS✨

💛 Tea and Transition: An Online Death Cafe hosted by Ancestral Roots
Friday, July 18, 2025 | 7 PM
📍 Zoom

This Month’s Focus: Autonomy, choice, and how we can prepare to meet death on our own terms — with clarity, courage, and care.

Find the event link and registration on zoom.

Hosted by Lolonyo Carter of Ancestral Roots

💛 Skulls ‘n Scones Potluck Brunch
Saturday, July 19, 2025 | 11:00 AM–1:00 PM
📍 Private Residence, Ashton, MD (address shared upon RSVP to Susan)

A cozy summer brunch where the pastries are sweet, the coffee is hot, and the conversation is about... death. Join us for Skulls ‘n Scones, a relaxed and welcoming gathering for folks who want to explore end-of-life topics in good company.

All are welcome, whether you’re a death worker, grief-tender, or just curious about it all.

💛  Death Cafe at The Potter's House
Sunday, August 3, 2025 | 5:00–5:30 PM
📍 The Potter’s House Cafe & Bookstore, 1658 Columbia Rd NW, Washington, DC

Join hosts Mary Jo Neil, Chana Gelbard, Lolonyo Carter, and Pleasance Silicki at The Potter’s House, a long-standing and much-beloved Adams Morgan institution. No RSVP necessary ~ come one, come all

💛 DC Death Collective Virtual Check-In
Sunday, August 3, 2025 | 5:00–5:30 PM
📍 Zoom link, no RSVP necessary

A gentle, monthly drop-in. Come say hi. Bring your thoughts, questions, or just your face. Whether you’re knee-deep in this work or quietly circling it, this is a space to connect, reflect, and be in community

💛 Memento Mori Book Club: It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine
Sunday, August 3, 2025 | 6:00–7:00 PM
📍 People’s Book, 7014 Westmoreland Ave Suite A, Takoma Park, MD (RSVP to Ali)

Interested in building community around our shared mortality? Join us every other month for casual, thoughtful conversation about death, dying, grief—and ultimately, life. Guided by rotating readings, these gatherings are hosted by death doula Ali Brill and held in the cozy stacks of People’s Book.

💛 Death Cafe at Congressional Cemetery
Thursday, August 7; September 4th, 2025 | 6:00–7:30 PM📍Historic Congressional Cemetery Chapel, 1801 E St SE, Washington, DC

An intimate monthly gathering to talk openly about death over tea and sweets. There’s no agenda — just space to be curious, contemplative, and in conversation. These Cafes are part of a global movement to demystify and destigmatize death through community dialogue.

Facilitated by a rotating crew of regional volunteers, each Death Cafe is gently held in a spirit of presence and privacy. Our Death Doula in Residence, Laura Lyster-Mensh, represents the Cemetery at these events.

Free to attend. You're welcome to bring something to share—tea, sweets, or a small donation (suggested $5) to support event costs.

Due to space limits, please reserve your seat in advance. To join the waitlist or ask questions, email Laura